I recall this memory so clearly.
Every morning, just before I got out of the car for school, my father would look at me and say,
“Be good.”
I didn’t know what that meant at the time.
But I took it seriously.
I thought it was something important — something necessary.
And so, I tried.
Now that I’m older, I’ve realized what “be good” really meant.
It meant:
• Be quiet.
• Don’t question adults.
• Don’t get into trouble.
• Smile even when you’re uncomfortable.
• Be the kind of girl who doesn’t make noise.
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In primary school and high school, I feared getting into trouble — like it would mean something terrible about me.
Even the smallest mistake felt like the end of the world.
I tied my worth to approval and performance. I wanted teachers to like me, friends to count on me, adults to be proud of me.
Eventually, this turned into something heavier: perfectionism.
I wasn’t just being “good.”
I was performing it.
In my friend groups, I became the strong one.
The safe one.
The one who always knew how to comfort, how to lead, how to listen.
But I carried my own pain in silence.
I held space for everyone — except myself.
Looking back, I can see it clearly now:
I was obedient to the point of self-erasure.
I was so busy being agreeable, responsible, and emotionally dependable that I lost touch with what I actually felt.
What I wanted.
What I needed.
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Being obedient cost me more than I ever imagined.
It cost me my truth.
My joy.
My authenticity.
And I’m so done.
I’m done chasing approval that never fills me.
I’m done measuring my goodness by how little I inconvenience others.
I’m done saying yes when my body is screaming no.
I’m done performing strength when what I need is softness and support.
I was raised to obey.
But I’m learning to listen to myself now —
Not to be good.
But to be whole.
Welcome to Raised to Obey, a series dedicated to peeling back the layers of what it means to grow up under the weight of the “good” girl.
This is for the girl who:
• confused compliance with holiness
• learned that questioning is rebellion
• was taught that submission is synonymous with worth and maturity.
I’m writing this because I know I’m not alone and most importantly I’m not writing this from the mountaintop.
If you’ve ever felt trapped by the “good girl” mold and are ready to peel back the layers of your story, this series is for you.
Welcome.
With heart,
Silondile
